The Perks of Being a Marauder
by Luthien Luinwe
Summary: "Dear Friend, I'm writing to you because they say that you won't judge me, even if I deserve it." A story in which Sirius Black discusses friends, family, and the perks of being a Marauder.
1. Chapter 1

**This story is loosely based off of _The Perks of Being a Wallflower. _I own nothing that isn't mine.**

**June 9, 1976**

Dear Friend,

I'm writing because they say you can help me, that you won't judge, no matter how awful the things I'm going to tell you about may or may not be. I don't really know. But then again, I don't really know anything anymore. I'm not putting in a return address because I don't want you to contact me. And believe me, you don't want to contact me. I'm a mess, that's all I've ever been, and that's all I ever will be.

I guess I blame my family for me turning out the way I have. My mother is an absolute witch, literally and figuratively. She's hell-bent on pureblood supremacy, and she believes anyone who isn't pureblooded (and inbred) doesn't deserve to live. My father just goes along with it. I used to be like them, until I went to school and was sorted into Gryffindor, or the wrong house as my mother put it. I met some friends, and they made me realize how twisted my beliefs were. My younger brother isn't so lucky, though. He's the good one in the family, the one that stays silent and always does as he's told. He's going to get himself killed one day because of it, I know it. But that's the curse of the Noble and Most Ancient House of Black, I guess. Everyone follows tradition and no one questions it, well, except for the ones that do. But they get burned off the family tree and everyone acts like they never existed.

I think that's what's going to happen to my cousin Andromeda. She's the middle child in her family. Her older sister Bellatrix is the perfect pureblood. She's married to a Lestrange, another pureblood family, and has joined up with the Dark Lord. My parents were so proud. Andromeda's younger sister, Narcissa, is engaged to a Malfoy, a pureblood who is following the Dark Lord. According to my parents, she can do no wrong. But Andromeda's different. She's in love with a Muggle-born (I refuse to use the term mudblood. It's degrading and insulting and altogether horrible) named Tonks and shuns the ideas of pureblood supremacism. I worry about her.

Anyway, I have two best friends and one sort of friend and one mortal enemy. My friends and I call ourselves the Marauders. We even made the Marauder's Map which shows Hogwarts and what everyone is doing at every minute of every day. I'd like to take credit for it, but we all know my friend Remus did most of the work. But you don't know who that is. Anyway, James Potter is my best friend, and surprisingly my parents actually approve of him. After all, he's a pureblood from a decent family, even though they'll soon be labeled as blood-traitors at the rate they're going. We met on the Hogwarts Express during our first year, and I can still remember everything that happened.

"Mind if I sit here?" I had asked, sliding the door to the compartment open. "Everywhere else is full."

He looked up at me and shrugged. "I don't care," he said. "Do whatever you want."

"I'm Sirius Black."

"James Potter."

Anyway, several insults later, we were inseparable.

Befriending Remus Lupin was a little harder, though. For starters, he was a halfblood and I was still on the pureblood supremacist bandwagon, so I didn't want anything to do with him. But James and I had to share a room with him, Peter Pettigrew, and Frank Longbottom, but we'll get to them later. Anyway, to be perfectly honest, I hated the little brat at first. He was such a know-it-all and I wanted nothing more than to punch him in the face. But I wouldn't do that because he always looked really sick and I thought that if I hit him, he might fall down and not get back up. But James was convinced it was his God-given duty to fix everyone, with the exception of Snivellus, but I'll get to him in a minute, so we started hanging out with this Lupin guy, and he actually ended up being pretty cool (as well as a badass werewolf), and the rest is history. Peter Pettigrew just kind of started following us around. I despise that kid. He's such a wannabe. But none of us have the heart to tell him to leave us alone.

And that brings me to Severus Snape, or as we call him, Snivellus. He has this freak obsession with Lily Evans, the girl James is madly in love with even if he doesn't know it yet. Not to mention his preoccupation with the Dark Arts. But... that's really all I have against him. I mean, James is really the one with the grudge, not me. But if I don't go along with it, I won't have any friends. I'll still have my hordes of screaming girls, but that's not really the same. I'd never admit it, but I need James and Remus. If I didn't have them, I'd completely lose my mind. But then again, I don't exactly have far to go in that respect.

But anyway, like I mentioned, I'm a Gryffindor, and I'm about to start my sixth year along with my friends. It'll be weird, though. These two guy we looked up to, Fabian and Gideon Prewett, they graduated last year. I don't know what school's going to be like with them gone. It was weird enough when Dromeda left. And then Molly Prewett and Arthur Weasley are going to graduate this year. It's just odd to think about, I guess. But anyway, Remus, James, and I are probably going to send our Head of House, McGonagall, to an early grave. I still remember when we were called into her office for the umpteenth time last year.

"Why is it when something happens, it is always you three?" she had demanded. The prank we'd pulled was great, too. James levitated Snivellus and took his trousers off all with the flick of a wand. But then he called Evans a mudblood (did I mention how much I despise that term?) and she didn't speak to him since.

"Frankly Professor," Remus sighed. He was always polite calling people 'sir' and 'ma'am' and 'professor.' He was even respectful to that pathetic excuse for a teacher, Slughorn. "I've been asking myself that same question for years."

Merlin it's a miracle I ever befriended that guy. It was a good thing, though. He needed us, still does. He was in a really bad place with a really bad condition, and we were able to help him. I can't tell you what we did because there's rumors that the Ministry is intercepting owls, but he needed it. He needed us. And as much as I hate to say it, we need him. He's our voice of reason, and Merlin only knows where we'd be without him.

And then he was in an even worse place last year. His mother, who had really been the only one of his parents to really be supportive of him given his, er, furry little problem, passed away. It wasn't sudden, she'd been sick for a really long time, and truth be told I think he was a little relieved that it had happened, but still. His father was never exactly, I dunno, warm toward him given the circumstances, and I worry about him. Merlin it's a twisted world we live in, isn't it? I'm the one with the batshit insane parents, and I'm worried about his father.

But I've always been a worrier, even though I don't seem like it. Hell, I worry about my brother all the time. It's not his fault our parents have all but brainwashed him. But I stand up to them, why can't he? But then I always have to remind myself that he isn't like me. He's an observer. He's seen how I'm treated and is probably scared that it'll happen to him. I think he's brave though, somewhere deep down. He's just been manipulated. And I'm scared to death he's been so manipulated and his thoughts so warped that he's never going to see reason, that he's going to end up in an early grave. But you can never tell him I said that, understand? We kind of have a silent understanding that we're going to act like we hate each other even though deep down we love each other. And I do mean deep, DEEP down. Well, I should probably stop writing now. Mother's yelling about Merlin-only-knows what. She probably found out about what I did to Kreacher. But that's for another letter.

Yours Truly,

Sirius


	2. Chapter 2

**June 14, 1976**

Dear Friend,

I know I haven't written in a few days. Don't be worried, even though I'm sure you probably aren't. Most people don't worry about me. Hell, no one did until James and Remus and sometimes Peter and I were friends. Anyway, I apologize, and that's not something I do often, so don't get used to it. Why was I gone so long? Because Regulus is a little brat, that's why. Merlin knows there are times that I would be the happiest person on the face of this God-forsaken planet if I could take that stupid green and silver tie and... Right, probably shouldn't continue that with the Ministry intercepting owls and whatnot. Threatening to kill one's own brother is just the type of thing that could probably get you into some trouble.

But do you even know what he had the nerve to do? No, of course you don't, you aren't here, so I have to be the one to tell you. He sold me out to the resident witch! And I didn't even do anything! Okay... So I may have kind of sort of did some things that may have kind of sort of resulted in my stupid little brother falling down the stairs and breaking his arm in about three places... But he was insulting my friends, what was I supposed to do? Use the cruciatus curse on him like my parents would if they caught him saying bad things about purebloods? Actually you know what, ignore that last little bit there. Seriously, pretend I never said it. I get enough grief about things like that from James and Remus.

I can't wait for school to start again so I can get out of here. My mother is driving me up a wall, and it's taking everything in me not to run out the door and never look back. James has asked me several times why I haven't done it yet, and I've always just brushed it off. The truth, though? I can't leave Regulus there with _them_. Yes there are times I'd like to kill my brother with his own wand. Yes there are times I may have kind of sort of pushed him out a window or down the stairs or done various other things... But I can't leave him, not yet. He's not sold on the principles and ideals of our parents, even if he doesn't know it yet. I can see it, though. He's just going along with it because he has to. One of us has to be the good one, and we both know it's not going to be me. Sometimes I wish I would've made it a little easier on him. It can't be easy having to be everything I'm not. But it's too late to change that now, isn't it? And I swear to whatever higher power is up there, if you repeat any of that to anyone, well... Regulus won't be the only one I'm making death threats toward.

Remus wrote to me the other day, after the full moon. I don't know how he does it month after month, year after year. I don't think I could handle it, I really don't, and I know I can handle a lot more than the average 16-year-old wizard. I wish I could be half as brave, half as strong as he is. I know I complain about him sometimes, but Merlin I admire that kid. And if you tell him I said that, well... I'm sure your imagination can come up with something that mine can't at present. But anyway, I was talking about Regulus, not Remus.

Like I said, I know Regulus isn't completely sold on all the beliefs that come with being a Black. I know because he was different when we were younger. He wasn't as sad, as scared. And Merlin knows he would have had every reason to be both. But anyway, whenever I feel myself about ready to walk out the door and never look back, I always think of one thing, a memory. I'm not even sure anymore if it really happened or not, but I hope it did. I hope my brother isn't the little Pureblood Prince he acts like.

But like I said, the one memory sticks out. Regulus and my _darling _mother had gotten into one of their rare shouting matches that would put the ones the witch and I have to shame. He had done, well, less than well in his Charms class when he was in his first year. Merlin, the only times I've seen that woman that angry that anger had been directed toward me, not to him.

"Sirius?" he had asked. He'd even knocked on my door, and that if anything else made me certain something was up.

"What, Reg?" I sighed, looking over at the then-open doorway. I remember how terrified he had looked, like he wasn't going to live to see the next day.

"I'm sorry." And that was it, two words, two itty bitty words that had made me completely rethink how I had been treating him.

But naturally he went back to his stupid pureblood self the next morning.

I got a letter from James a few days ago, and that's always good. When he can get his mind away from Evans and Snivellus for a few minutes, he can usually be a pretty brilliant guy. Apparently he's about ready to drive his mum up a wall though, him and his dad at least. How his parents ever got together is beyond me, I mean they're complete opposites. But I guess that's good, they have everything the other needs. When I get married though, I want a wife that acts a lot like I do. But then again the Potters aren't exactly different either. I kid you not, Mrs. Potter can crack jokes with the best of them, and I've even heard that her pranks, while rare, are legendary.

But anyway, James had quite a bit to say, but that's to be expected. The only thing bigger than his head is his mouth, though me saying that is the pot calling the kettle black. He and his family went to France about a week ago for something work-related regarding his father. Though I know when he says that he means it's something his parents are doing in order to help fight back against You-Know-Who. But again, I can't say too much, not with the Ministry intercepting owls and all.

Merlin, I can't wait to go back to school. I don't know if I'll be able to write again before then, but we'll see how it plays out. You never really know with my mother, what she'll do, what she'll say that may prevent me from being able to write again in the near future. I hate that woman more than I think I could ever hate anyone else. She isn't warm. Well, not to me. Well, not to us.

Yours Truly,

Sirius


	3. Chapter 3

**July 15, 1976**

Dear Friend,

I know it's been a month, but there's been quite a bit going on over here in hell... I mean Grimmauld Place. Mostly caused by my mother, but what else is new there? She's still convinced she can change me from my "blood-traitor" ways. I wish she would just leave me the hell alone. It's my life and I'll do whatever the hell I want with it. The woman that gave birth to me can't handle the fact that I grew up, and that I'm not her little puppet anymore. But I saw through her stupid little game, and I stopped playing it a long time ago. She's put me through sixteen years of pure hell, and I cannot wait to get out. She never cared about me, and she still doesn't. The only thing she cares about is herself and whether or not I make her look good. I can't wait until I get out of this damn house and never turn back. I came close to leaving a few days ago, even had everything planned out. The Potters have always told me they'd take me in, so it's not like I'd have nowhere to go. But something stopped me, something big. I wasn't supposed to see it, but I did, and it made me realize that I have to tough it out here for at least a little while longer.

Regulus was in one of his moods, the kind where anyone and everyone and anything and everything would send him from his normal apathy into an intense state of annoyance and anger. I wish he wouldn't bottle things up the way he does, it only makes things ugly when those emotions finally come back out. Granted I don't exactly have much room to talk in that regard. My friends have seen me lose my cool a handful of times, and they've all agreed that the only thing scarier is Remus the night of a full moon. But yeah, he made the ever-intelligent move of shouting at my parents, both of them. And well... It led to some comparisons to me, followed by them asking me to leave, which I did, and then that led to me seeing, and hearing, some things I know I wasn't supposed to.

Anyway, my parents yelled at Regulus, Regulus yelled back at my parents, and that went on for a good ten minutes with nothing particularly exciting happened. I'm not really sure what did happen, though. I could only see a little bit through the doorway, but one minute they were yelling, and the next Regulus was on the floor. I don't know if they hit him with a spell, or if they just flat out hit him, but he went down, and that's when I went up to my room.

It scares me a little bit to think about Regulus. In all reality, he's everything I almost ended up being, everything I would have been if it weren't for my friends. And in all reality, I'm everything he could have ended up being, everything he would've been if it weren't for our parents. We're more alike than people think, more alike than we are different. I think that's why we don't always get along, why there are times we're constantly at each other's throats. It's kind of ironic, though. I'm named after the star in Canis Major, the big dog constellation being controlled by Orion, the constellation our father is named after. Regulus is named after the star in Leo, the one with no physical ties to Orion. Yet he's the one that would bend over backward for him and our mother. It's kind of ironic if you ask me.

But you're probably sick and tired of me ranting about my idiot brother, aren't you? Unfortunately until school starts and I can start ranting about Snivellus instead, I'm stuck ranting on the perfect little pureblood. Don't worry about me too much. James wrote me the other day, saying I could stay with him if I ever got completely fed up with living here. I might just take him up on that offer.

Yours Truly,

Sirius


End file.
